On The Outside Lookin' In

Well, today is day three of radiation for my dad. So far so good with that. I have been reading up online about side effects of radiation and there are some but none have gotton him yet. He had his PET scan yesterday morning. The doctors called him yesterday evening and told him that the tumor was so much bigger than they though, almost 8 inches. So they would like to discuss doing chemo. After his radiation today he has to go meet with the doctor about starting that. I know there are tons of bad side effects to doing Chemo. Hair loss, weight loss, nausea, vomiting...etc, etc! That really makes me nervous. I do not want to see my dad in pain or hurting. That is what is going to make all of this SO hard for me and my whole family.
I talked to him last night... I had to call him. He was on my mind soo much which he is ALL day but last night he was on my mind A LOT! I almost felt like i just wanted to hug him so tight and never let him go. So I gave him a call. We talked a little while and I started to cry. He told me please don't worry that everything is going to be okay. These doctors and nurses are working to make him all better and he'll be back to normal soon. :(
That made me cry even more... I'd love to think that but for some reason it's just so hard to. Then this morning i woke up to 3 text messages from him through the night of pictures of us and him and he said , "I love you Ms. Boo , Don't you worry about anything. He always has called me that since I was a baby. He is actually going hunting this weekend...I guess it will be good for him to do something that he loves.

Is This Real?

I never in a millon years thought that I would be in a situtation like this. You just never imagine yourself going through something like this. You see so many people everyday talking about their loved ones battling cancer but once it is in your family and your father at that...It's so hard.
My dad was diagnosed with lung cancer on December 5th. Only two days ago. Though it has only been two days this has been the hardest two days that I have had to deal with in a loong time. I have cried mutiple times a day and for those of you that know me, Know that is NOT normal for me. I am not the crying type. This has really hit home with me. My father and I haven't been too close in a long time. My parent's got divorced when I was 12. Ever since then I just havent had much of a relationship with him. But when I do see him I hope that he always has known how much I DO love him. He has a hard time showing his love and affection for people. I have unfortunately picked that trait up from him. I don't really understand WHY I am like that. I know that i do LOVE my family and friends but for some odd reason it is SO hard for me to show my feelings and love for people.
With that being said, this is just so so hard for me! I don't know how to show my family that I am dying inside from this. I'd rather just show that I am being strong and dealing with it in my own way.
I am so terribly scared for my dad, but I will be strong for him. I know that he is terrifed. Wouldn't you be? We do NOT know what the future holds for him but I just hope that he knows that I LOVE HIM with all that I have... He is my father and he created me.