Is This Real?

I never in a millon years thought that I would be in a situtation like this. You just never imagine yourself going through something like this. You see so many people everyday talking about their loved ones battling cancer but once it is in your family and your father at that...It's so hard.
My dad was diagnosed with lung cancer on December 5th. Only two days ago. Though it has only been two days this has been the hardest two days that I have had to deal with in a loong time. I have cried mutiple times a day and for those of you that know me, Know that is NOT normal for me. I am not the crying type. This has really hit home with me. My father and I haven't been too close in a long time. My parent's got divorced when I was 12. Ever since then I just havent had much of a relationship with him. But when I do see him I hope that he always has known how much I DO love him. He has a hard time showing his love and affection for people. I have unfortunately picked that trait up from him. I don't really understand WHY I am like that. I know that i do LOVE my family and friends but for some odd reason it is SO hard for me to show my feelings and love for people.
With that being said, this is just so so hard for me! I don't know how to show my family that I am dying inside from this. I'd rather just show that I am being strong and dealing with it in my own way.
I am so terribly scared for my dad, but I will be strong for him. I know that he is terrifed. Wouldn't you be? We do NOT know what the future holds for him but I just hope that he knows that I LOVE HIM with all that I have... He is my father and he created me.